Empathy in Leadership is the New Black
Dr. David Rafeedie
Michelle was late for work. When she arrived, her boss was waiting for her and asked why she was late.
Michelle: Yesterday morning before work, I took my mother to her senior's club when I was t-boned when someone ran a red light. The paramedics took my mom to the hospital in serious condition. I was treated for whiplash, which is why I am wearing this neck brace. I stayed with mom in the hospital until she was out of danger which was in the wee hours of the morning. I finally went home to catch a couple of hours of sleep before coming into work but discovered that someone had broken into my house. I called the police, and they were at my home for a while taking their report of the stolen items. They left at six this morning. I decided to forget about sleep at this point to make it to work on time. I intended to use my mom’s car to come to work but it would not start. I called the Auto Club; they arrived an hour and a half later and jumped the car. That is why I am late.
Michelle's supervisor: Do you have a note from the doctor?
That over-the-top story is an illustration of what empathy is not. In the last year or so, empathy has been much written about as a leadership mindset and behavior. There are several reasons for this. The new nature of employer/employee relationships coming out of the COVID-19 pandemic. Also, the nature of our societal and cultural expectations in the post-modern world we live in are different than they were even a short time ago.
Michael Ventura, the founder and CEO of Sub Rosa and author of Applied Empathy, defines empathy this way: "Empathy is about understanding. Empathy lets us see the world from other points of view and helps us form insights that can lead us to new and better ways of thinking, being, and doing". (Ventura, 2018)
It is putting yourself in the other person's shoes to understand them better. Empathy is something you apply to your team, your customers, and your clients. Whichever stakeholders you are focusing on, putting yourself in their shoes, understanding their perspective will make you more effective in finding success.
What it isn't and what it is
Empathy is not about being nice and letting things slide. You must still lead, and there still must be accountability for performance. It is about active listening and asking others for their opinions. Whether it is a customer, a client, or team members, find out what they think. Get their perspective on things. You may not do what you hear, but it will broaden your perspective and enhance your understanding of your key stakeholders.
It is not about superficial posturing but the sincerity of feeling that allows you to put yourself in another's place to understand where they are coming from. What is driving them, and what is mitigating their drive.
Empathy is not about waiting for a stakeholder to come to you, but it is about being proactive in touching base with them. Empathy deepens relationships, and relationships are built over time and with intention.
There is more to empathy than the few words I have written above. It is a way of thinking, a perspective on who people are, and it is an emotion—something you feel. I will encourage you to do some reading on the subject if you think you are empathetically challenged. I certainly was at one time, and I still have much room to improve.
A natural question to be asking yourself at this point is, "How do I apply empathy into my leadership?" My response is, "That is an excellent question! How do you apply it to your leadership? Here is another good question. Answer it, and you are on your way. What is one thing you can start doing right away to apply empathy to your leadership?
Empathy in leadership is the new black. It is an extremely popular leadership characteristic that took on added weight starting last year during the COVID pandemic. It is an enormously influential leadership behavior that brings encouragement, builds up those on the receiving end, and inspires stakeholders' loyalty. I am not talking about putting on a show; I am talking about genuine empathy. A way of thinking that comes from the inside. An empathy that is a part of who you are and comes naturally without thinking about it. That may take some time and practice for some of us. If you must be intentionally thinking about being empathetic at first, with the intention of it becoming a part of your character and leadership style, then be intentional until you change.
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Ventura, M. (2018). Applied Empathy: The New Language of Leadership. New York: Touchstone.