Transitions: Stress, Surprises, Pain, and ?
Dr. David Rafeedie
Note: It has been some time since I have placed an article on my website and other media. I was preoccupied with one of the biggest transitions in my experience. I write about it below, but I am looking forward to getting back to my weekly writing. Thank you for your patience.
My wife, Ellen and I just went through a major transition. Three of them. We are now “retired” from full-time pastoral ministry. Wow, is that traumatic! Life slows down immensely, and I am working, building my coaching business in earnest. Check me out at www.davidthecoach.com, please! 😊 All of a sudden we went from being a critical part of respective work places to, well, not being critical at all. We are no longer the trouble shooters or advice givers. Do our colleagues even miss us?
Not only did we retire, but we moved—from one country to another. From one extreme climate (in the winter) to another extreme climate (in the summer). We moved from Steinbach, Manitoba, Canada, to Robson Ranch, Eloy, Arizona. All the research affirms what we found out; moving is stressful. A study in Great Britain shows moving is more stressful than divorce! https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/574171/Divorce-stressful-moving-home. Moral: if you want to get even with your spouse; don’t divorce them, talk them into moving. That will show them!
Moving also involves some pain, leaving friends and colleagues who we have grown to love. The emotional juices were flowing. We cried, they cried. We laughed, they laughed. We cried they laughed. We laughed, they cried. It was a whirlwind of activity and emotions. We are still grieving the loss. We have no friends here. At least we aren’t crying.
We are much closer to our kids. Trying to figure that out. We just dropped into their world. They have expectations of that will look, and we have ours. Is it ok to go over to their house? Can we ask them to come over regularly? Are we imposing?
Surprises, no matter how well you plan; things, events, struggles are going to happen for which you didn’t account. Hey, I have a masters degree in organizational management, and I was surprised numerous times by unplanned things. Surprises add to the stress.
Plan anyway. Plan to be surprised. Plan to allow the unexpected to change what you planned—be flexible. It beats pulling your hair out or getting angry. Control what you can control, roll with the other things.
Adjusting to the pace is not easy if you have been a hard charger. I have always had a hard time with two weeks of vacation. I have to move. I have to do something meaningful. For me, that makes life enjoyable.
I learned some things about myself through this transition.
Sometimes I am not as flexible as I thought. Sometimes, to my surprise in the situation, I am flexible. Both were unexpected.
I also found that I can be very emotional. Normally, I am pretty stable emotionally in the face of turmoil. I handle crisis well (most of the time), I don’t cry at movies. I must have lost five pounds in water from all the crying I did. Too bad I am a stress eater—I think I gained about ten from eating.
Experience the events and surprises with a sense of expectancy. All of them. Live them with wonder. It’s an adventure so enter it with energy. It is ok to be a little scared or not scared at all. Just be you. You will get through it. It is better to get through it as you so you have no regrets as you settle in after the transition.
This is a great time in life. I am back to my weekly blogging on leadership, I am doing something meaningful, my wife and I are having a great time hanging out together, and most of all, I get to play with the grandkids.
This article was a short and personal little blog. Next week I will be back to blogging about leadership, teams, and other topics of interest to most of you.
What do you think? I would love to hear about any transitions you have experienced. There will be lessons in there for all of us. Some may be recent and too painful to talk about now, I would encourage you to take notes about what you are feeling and what you are gleaning from the experience.
Coaching can make a real difference during transitions or other key times in life. Email me at info@davidthecoach.com and let’s have a conversation.
If you are reading this on social media, check out my website at www.davidthecoach.com. You will also find more blogs on transitions, leadership, team development, and other success factors there.