Transitions: Choose to Grow

Dr. David Rafeedie

The following are true stories but the names are changed to protect the identities of the individuals.

Harry lost his wife of almost 50 years over a year ago. He felt lost. He had a job but couldn’t seem to accomplish anything. He continued to grieve as if it were yesterday. Family, friends, colleagues all tried to help him get on with life, but he just couldn’t seem to make progress. People began to lose patience with him and the empathy they once felt turned to feelings of impatience. He ended up losing his job because of lack of performance. Many of his friends quit coming around or calling because they were tired of hearing him moan about his loss and how alone he felt. Harry found himself locked into a self-destructive attitude of self-pity.

Mary lost her husband prematurely to a debilitating disease. He had been on a difficult journey for almost a year. She missed him greatly but at the same time felt relief from the pressure of watching him waste away. At the same time, she felt guilt over her sense of relief. She didn’t think it was appropriate to feel relief after losing the man she had loved for the past ten years. Due to downsizing, Mary also lost her job about the same time. She moped around for a couple of days feeling sorry for herself. Then one day she woke up, had a cup of coffee, and with pen and pad wrote down where she wanted to be a year from now. She then made a plan to get there. That simple action seemed to energize her and give her hope for the future.

Two things transitions have in common are they all involve change and loss of some kind. One simple definition of transition is, “The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.” From single to married, from married to single, from employed to unemployed, from raising kids to empty nesters, from healthy to unhealthy, on and on and on. Life is about transitions and transitions are about change.

One has to adjust to a new reality, and then look ahead to plan the solutions or next steps. That process is called transition. Transitions are change and change is difficult for most people. Good, bad, but never indifferent, transitions need intentional maneuvering to come out the other end as quickly as possible and healthy.

Not all transitions are bad. Some are good. Some are natural. All require an adjustment in key areas. Transitions are what we make of them. What may seem like a negative transition has the potential to become something good in you. What you do with and in that transition is important.

Here are a few thoughts to keep in mind to help you or someone else you know to move through a transition a healthy way.

Choose to grow.

Sometimes transitions seem like they are apart from us. That is, they appear to be something beyond our control. Some parts or a transition are beyond our control. But some parts or any transition are controllable, and those are the parts we can intentionally use to our benefit to grow.

What you do control

Attitude is a choice. We can choose to allow our circumstances to control our attitudes or we can use our will to control our attitudes. Our attitude derives from our perspectives.

We can choose to view the world around us and our circumstances in a way that places them in perspective. The fact is, whatever transition we may find ourselves in will settle into a new reality. Transitions are temporary, and we can input into what they look like for us. You know the old saying; “perspective is reality.” You chose how to view the transition you find yourself experiencing.

In other words, we have control of our minds. What we think, how we think, and how we chose to handle a given situation.

What you don’t control

Time. Time is one of those essential ingredients to help us work through our transitions in life. If we allow it to, time can heal our wounds. It can strengthen our resolve, and time can allow us to take stock of our situation and see it more clearly.

Change. Remember our simple definition above. Change happens. We move from one circumstance or condition to another and life is different. Sometimes the difference is not easy to embrace, and other times it is a joy. But for most of us, transitions in life are sometimes not in our control.

Action required

Don’t put your mind in neutral! Do not be passive participants in the transitions of life and work. We all have choices in any given transition. If there is loss involved, take time to grieve. Be honest with your emotions; it is a natural part of change and transition.

Then look ahead. Possibilities are waiting for you that bring hope and meaning to your new reality. Discover what they are. Explore the future with a resolve that will help you move forward. Design some action steps to move you to where you want to be.

Implement those action steps. Act! Move forward! Make a list and check off the accomplishments. Movement is the great antidote to the disease of passive inaction. The intentional, right movement on our part—taking us to where we want to be, will bring purpose and meaning back to our lives. You are stepping into a new reality.

In his book, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, William Bridges says, “Because transition is a process by which people unplug from an old world and plug into a new world, we can say that transition starts with an ending and finishes with a beginning.”

That is a great view to have of the transition you may be experiencing. Think of transition as a cocoon of sorts. A caterpillar enters a cocoon in one reality and comes out into a new one—a butterfly. We enter into our transitions from one reality and emerge into another.  We begin something new. How we manage the transition will help determine how we start our journey out of it.

What do you think? Start the conversation.

Coaching can help you on the journey; can help you work through the transitions of life and work in a healthy way. Email me at info@davidthecoach.com and let’s have a conversation.

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