Dr. David Rafeedie

Bill hesitated to make the call. He had been pursuing Mary to make a move. There was no doubt she could afford it. It was the right move for someone in her position at this time in her life. He had laid out the pros and cons and the pros far outweigh any potential negatives.

Mary had said she would invest. That was two months ago. A no brainer she said. Interested. Sounds great. No questions. Thank you! But she still had not invested. Bill followed up several times by email and text. He even stopped by her business one more time and talked to her in person.

Now Bill was worried about becoming a nuisance. He didn’t want to be pushy. He was afraid she would tell him not to call anymore—so he didn’t want to call anymore. He began to second guess himself, and he began to wonder if he misread her response. He told himself it was part of the territory. It’s a numbers game. “Yes” was on the other side of all of those horrible “Nos.” He decided not to spend more time with Mary. She would contact him when she was interested.

Everyone with any experience with asking people to buy, or serve, or move can relate to Bill’s experience. There are several ways to react, of course. Many react the way Bill did because they don’t want to seem pushy or to continue to “intrude” on the person’s life. Other’s keep on contacting to try to get the sale or the person to relent and agree to serve. They say they are assertive, standing up for themselves and they are not pushy.

Is there a difference between assertiveness and being pushy?

Yes, there is a difference. The difference is one of attitude. Assertiveness is a positive trait in a person if the assertiveness is balanced by the desire to be helpful. Think of assertiveness as being inward-focused and helpful as being outward focused. For example, Bill above was focused on getting the sale and closing the deal. If every time he communicated with Mary he desired to give her a good take away from the conversation, that changes his attitude and hers and takes away Bill’s internal struggle of not wanting to be pushy.

Below are a few helpful guidelines to determine whether you are assertive or just plain pushy.

To be assertive without being pushy:

• Show genuine interest in the client’s wellbeing. Not just business wellbeing, but personal too. “How’s your week going?” “Still struggling with that cold?” “How did little Mary do in her swim meet?” “Hope your week was profitable.”

• Always lay the groundwork for the follow-ups after each connection. “I understand, Mary, I will touch base with you next week to hear your thoughts and answer any questions.” You have shown empathy and laid the groundwork for the next communication. She expects the call, and you are just doing what you said you would do and what she expects you do.

• Don’t expect an answer right away. Go for the close but move on quickly from an initial “no thanks.” You have already laid the groundwork for a follow-up conversation. Leave it at that and prepare for your next potential client. Then make sure you diarize your next phone call with Mary.

• Any time you speak to a client or potential client, look to add value to them, including the follow-up. Not just business value but personal value. When you strive to add value in your communications people will appreciate them and even look forward to them. We do life and business in the context of relationships. Do your best to enhance those relationships every chance you have.

• Realize people don’t give up their money or their time easily. This is normal.  You should want a person to make a thoughtful decision, one that both of you can rely upon. What’s the rush? You are in it for the long haul, so you have time to accomplish what you need to.

Merriam-Webster defines assertive and pushy this way:

Assertive: Being disposed to or characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior

Pushy: Aggressive often to an objectionable degree. 

Being assertive is not a negative trait. Being assertive in your behalf or on behalf of others is the mark of confident person looking out for themselves or others.

Being pushy is a negative trait. It is the mark of a self-centered and obnoxious person.

Attitude is the difference. Following the guidelines above will help you be assertive and close more sales or get more people serving than you thought possible.

Coaching can help you break through barriers that hinder your success. Email me at info@davidthecoach.com or call me at 520-709-1860 and let’s have a conversation and explore the possibilities.

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