Dr. David Rafeedie

Bill didn’t feel comfortable doing what he was asked to do. It wasn’t illegal or unethical. It was just out of his wheelhouse. He didn’t feel he had the expertise. He was sure that he would blow it. He had told her it was new territory and he was uncomfortable. Her response was, “It’s about time you gave this a try. I need a back up in case of emergency. “Fine,” he had said.  I will give it a try, but I am not going to like it.”

Sure enough. As soon as Bill’s wife left the house, he was forced to change his first diaper. He thought, how could my sweet little daughter stink so badly? Wouldn’t you know it, in his haste to get through the process of changing little Deb’s diaper he didn’t wipe her well enough. She developed a little rash which his wife discovered the next day.

“I am so sorry he said!” He felt horrible thinking that somehow he had caused his beautiful little girl pain. “Don’t worry too much about, sweetheart,” his wife reassured him. You just need more practice.

There is something to be said for not making mistakes. Most of us don’t like making mistakes. Let’s face it; mistakes can be setbacks or at least, as in Bill’s case, have consequences we may not be crazy about—like more practice changing diapers. People tend to notice when we do make them, and it can be embarrassing at times. I say, do away with them—refuse to make mistakes again!

Unfortunately, the only people who do not make mistakes are those people who do not do anything or are dead. In my view, those two scenarios are synonymous. If you aren’t doing anything, you might as well be dead. No offense to any dead person who might be reading this.

If you are part of a team and a team member makes a mistake, drops the ball, makes the team look bad; what is the reaction. How does the team handle a situation like that?

The third characteristic of a healthy team speaks to this issue. On a healthy team:

When one team member fails, every team member feels the failure, when one succeeds they all rejoice. Closely related to characteristic two (https://davidthecoach.com/blog-1/2017/11/14/characteristics-of-a-healthy-team ), good team members don’t compete with one another in an unhealthy way but realize that each one is working to achieve the same goal. They realize that it takes a team effort to be the best.

The above principle is healthy team culture at its best. In his terrific book, Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t, Simon Sinek says the following: “Intimidation, humiliation, isolation, feeling dumb, feeling useless and rejection are all stresses we try to avoid inside the organization. But the danger inside is controllable and it should be the goal of leadership to set a culture free of danger from each other. And the way to do that is by giving people a sense of belonging. By offering them a strong culture based on a clear set of human values and beliefs. But giving them the power to make decisions. By offering trust and empathy. By creating a Circle of Safety.”

Here are five points to help you move your team towards this characteristic:

1.    Give yourself and your team permission to make mistakes.

Right up front, one of the first things a leader should do at whatever stage your team is in, forming or performing or somewhere in-between, give the team permission to fail or to make mistakes. Verbalize the permission, talk about it, do team building exercises to drive home the point. If the individuals on the team have permission to make mistakes, it is easier for team members to accept collective responsibility.

Discuss your expectations when the team makes a mistake. Get the personal pronouns right: third person personal pronoun (we blew it) as opposed to second person personal pronoun (he or she blew it). Make it clear “we” don’t point fingers.

As a leader, you may find may be fighting internal hesitancy. Especially if your team deals in life and death situations, such as first responders or the military. You want to eliminate mistakes with meticulous training to build in that “muscle memory.” You probably will not want to approach mistakes the way I have characterized the approach above. As a Viet Nam era veteran, I understand. But the rest of the article will still be helpful to you and your team.

2.    Determine the lesson or lessons.

Take some time to evaluate what happened and most importantly, why it happened.

Exactly what is the impact of what happened –does it hinder your success, does it slow it down, is the impact negligible?

The micro-lesson is important to the individual, but the macro-lesson is important to the team and the organization. Say it and write it down. Teach it.  

3.    Celebrate the lessons internally.

Ensuring permission to make mistakes becomes a part of the team or organization’s culture, celebrate the lesson or lessons learned with a small prize like a gift card or a funny “booby prize” of some kind—something humorous. Hey, don’t make it too good or people will be trying to make mistakes rather than avoid them. No trips to Hawaii or anything like that.

4.    Deal with the mistakes’ implications quickly—what’s the fix.

Take some action steps to correct the mistake. Have the team reflect on a couple of questions. What do we need to do? Who do we need to talk to?

5.    Communicate clearly

Depending on the impact and the situation, transparency is almost always the best practice. Be forthright. Use the right language—watch the pronouns. If you are the leader communicating, take the appropriate responsibility. Protect your team, and it will pay dividends in loyalty and performance.

The leader sets the tone. She or he initiates the culture. Leading a team or an organization is a great responsibility. It is also an opportunity to build value into those around you and in your organization.

If you are reading this on social media, check out my website by right-clicking this link, www.davidthecoach.com for more articles and information on this topic and more. If you would like some help, contact me through my website and let’s have a conversation.