Dr. David Rafeedie

When I was in high school, I had good friends I used to hang out with. When we weren’t in school or on a date, we hung out together. We did a lot of things together, including, of course, talk. We talked about sports, life, people, the future, the normal things friends talk about when they are together. We had a lot of laughs. On occasion, as in many conversations, someone would invariably ask, “I wonder why “that” happened? Or, “I wonder why he “did” that?” You can fill in the blank.

 One of my friends, who had a more philosophical bent would say, “Do you know the Blue Whale is the largest animal on earth?” Then he would place the fingertips of both hands together and make a big circle, and say, “And that its throat is only about this big?” The first time we were all ears. Then came the third question, “Do you know why?” Blank stares all around as we waited for the answer. He said, “Because that’s just the way it is.”

We all laughed, and I have used that many times. Including just now. As a joke, it is pretty funny, at least if you have never it heard before. But as an answer to real issues or concerns, “Because that’s just the way it is,” is hardly satisfying. Sometimes to move ahead, we need to know the answer to “why.”

Sometimes leaders hit a wall, personally and professionally. When leaders hit a wall, so does the team and so does the organization. To understand why is not always easy to do. And the answer usually is not a simple one. Some people are satisfied with the wall. They may say they want to break the barrier the wall has become. They say they want to grow. But they never take the time to do what it takes to discover “why” they hit the wall and how to break through. They keep on doing the same things and expect different results. Feel free to insert the definition of insanity here.[1

Physical walls are easier to break than invincible ones. Anyone who does renovations can tell you that. I can’t build anything, but I can knock down a wall. Even the Iron Curtain was knocked down! The walls leaders and teams face aren’t always visible. If they were a visible wall, you would know what you had to do to knock it down.

 Most people start with asking what the wall is. And they look at circumstances or changes in the cultural environment they live and work in. But a more fundamental question is why you have hit the wall. In my experience, most walls are personal and internal. We don’t see them, and it isn’t readily recognized. The natural response to a wall is to look at those external circumstances. Those are easier to see, but in my experience, it is our internal thought and behavior patterns that allow the outward circumstances to appear to be walls. The first question to ask is, “why?” Why have you hit a wall? When you figure that out, you can break through any external wall.

Jacqui (not her real name) was a woman who always had “her head on straight.” She knew what she wanted in life, and went after it. She was a successful, hard working woman with a good job and a bright career path. It was clear sailing until she found herself stuck. All the doors she thought were open to her now seemed closed. And she found herself unable to open those doors. The path seemed clear, everything looked the same, but she was stalled. She lacked the energy and drive she used to have. Life seemed duller and more onerous—she felt she was spinning her wheels and getting nowhere. She could not seem to muster the motivation to pursue her dreams that earlier had been so vivid and energizing. She was putting one foot in front of the other to keep moving because she knew she had to. Jacqui found herself going through the motions. She needed help. For a reason she could not see or understand, Jacqui had hit a wall, and she didn’t know why or how to break through.

Hitting “the wall” happens. If that is where you are as you read this, it isn’t the end of the world; it is the beginning of something new to be discovered. Something new about your direction in life or work perhaps, but most importantly, it is a time that can be used to learn something new about yourself. What is it in you that brought you to the wall. What is it in you that will help you break through and move on with renewed energy and vision.

Let me encourage you; the kind of wall we are talking about is meant to come down. If the Iron Curtain can be torn down, your wall can be torn down too.

Like my friend in high school, I have three questions: Do you know it is not uncommon for good, capable people to hit a wall? Do you know you have the capacity to break through that wall? What is stopping you from contacting me?

Let’s see if I can help. Contact me at, info@davidthecoach.com and let’s explore the idea together.

[1] For those of you who do not have a doctorate in psychology, the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. I don’t know if that is the real definition or a joke, but it sounds good.