Dr. David Rafeedie

Some time ago my wife Ellen and I were driving on a long and open highway at 70 miles an hour. In case you are wondering that is the speed limit for that road—more or less. There were no cars ahead of us or behind us. It was a beautiful stretch of highway with lush forests on either side. Suddenly a weasel scampered unto the road ahead of us. Obviously, the weasel had no idea we were barreling toward him. There was no way to stop before reaching him. My wife let out a loud surprised, “Oh!” When the weasel did realize his life was about to end, he froze. Then, his survival instinct kicked in, but he was confused. He didn’t know which way to turn. Should he go back, he turned to do so, or should he keep going across the road, he turned again. He was looking and moving back and forth in little jerks. But by then we were on him. I turned the wheel slightly to try and go over him. In a flash, we were past him. “You hit him,” my wife said. But as I looked in the rear-view mirror he was still alive and kicking. But still initially confused by his close encounter with death. He ran in circles twice and then ran across the road to the destination he had started for several seconds before. He made it! But not without panic and confusion. Lucky for him I have reactions like a cat!

Like that weasel, sometimes events overtake us before we know it. Situations can change so fast we can become confused trying to make sense of how we got here and where to go next. “Why did I do this?” “Now what!?” We don’t know which way to turn and it would be easy to make a wrong decision or a bad choice. We all have the potential to behave like that weasel when we face situations or circumstances that we didn’t see coming. We can find ourselves confused and running around in circles. Or just as bad, it may seem we are frozen in time, unable to move in any direction as the weight of our circumstances seem to overwhelm us.

Big transitions can cause stress and anxiety. Some of these transitions come upon us suddenly, and others are very natural life transitions that everyone experiences. But even natural transitions can bring with them uncertainty. An encouraging note is that on the other side of any transition is a new beginning. However, we all know It is the uncertainty between leaving the old and the new beginning that brings with it the stress and anxiety of the unknown.

Retirement is a big stressor for many. Many Boomers looking to retire are not prepared to do so or are delaying retirement for various reasons. According to a study done by Ramsey Solutions, 56% of Americans lose sleep over retirement https://www.daveramsey.com/research/stress-anxiety.

Many transitions in life bring a need for a more objective view or some help in navigating the journey.

• Job change, forced or otherwise, brings with it a certain amount of angst, financial stress, and feelings of inadequacy.

• Moving from one location to another, even in the same neighborhood brings with it stress. Who hates packing and unpacking!

• For business owners or executives, a sudden change in market trends, policies put in place by the government, or dynamic competitors are entering the picture. Suddenly your business doesn’t seem as secure, and the bottom line takes a big dip.

• Loss is another anxiety creator. Feelings of loss can come from a variety of areas, whether it is a loss of a loved one or a job. A broken relationship can be a painful transition too.

• Poor health can bring about stress and anxiety and can change lifestyles. If it is chronic, it can be debilitating emotionally and impact our desire to move forward.

• Having children is a big change in life and requires living life differently. Stress and joy come together in a wonderful mix. But patterns of living have to change.

• Empty nesters know that when children leave home, even in the best of circumstances, can be an unsettling event. Readjusting to the new life can take time and sometimes requires creativity.

William Bridges, in his book Managing Transitions, says there are three phases to transitions. The first phase is the ending, which is letting go of the old ways or identity. The second phase is the in-between time before the new beginning is “fully operational.” He calls phase two the “neutral zone,” when “psychological realignments and repatterning take place.” (Bridges, 2009)

Coaching can help in bring clarity to situations. It will cast light on circumstances that are dark, and direction in times when there doesn’t appear a path to move forward.  

The weasel in the story above made the transition from one side of the road to the other after a harrowing and confusing encounter. Working together with the right coach can help you through your transitions and help you get to where you need to be.  Coaching can help in situations by:

1. Bringing a broader perspective. Perspective is easy to lose when you are in the middle of circumstances beyond your control or seem to be. At the best of times, our perspective on a given set of circumstances can be off. Having an intentional conversation with a trained coach can help bring a more objective view to any set of circumstances.

2. Helping you tap into new and creative solutions. We have all heard of the term thinking outside the box. However, often this is hard to do on our own because after all, we are in the box! And even if we could get out of the box, on our own we still have the same thought patterns we had in the box. Working with a trained coach will help stimulate new and creative ways of thinking.

3. Helping you develop strategies to navigate the journey. The right strategy is a great roadmap to success. It can bring clarity and relieve anxiety. Good strategies are motivators to forward movement that helps keep missteps to a minimum. They will help you minimize risks and plan for the successes. With the right strategy, you can move forward with confidence.

4. Helping you design concrete steps to take. Strategies are only helpful if you can accomplish them. Having a roadmap to a destination is one thing. But you have to take certain steps to get there. You must go to the car, open the door, start it, step on the gas, and then steer. Those are concrete steps that must be taken if you are going to reach your destination.

5. Helping you to stay the course by bringing accountability. Everyone needs some accountability to help us achieve our goals and dreams. As the 17th Century English author, John Donne, “No man is an island.” That goes for women too! We all need someone to ask us, “How did you do?” “What have you accomplished toward your goal?”

After his near-death experience, the weasel made it across the road to make a fresh start on the other side. It may have made that journey many times before without encountering such a life-threatening experience. But its situation changed in the blink of an eye. The weasel had no way of objectively assessing his situation. He was immediately caught up in circumstances beyond his control. Sometimes life can take a turn like that for anyone.

Working together with a good coach in an intentional relationship will help you through your transition and walk with you as you achieve your vision.